


Ya'aburnee

by dunyazatde



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: All the Fluff and Cuteness for JiHan, All the Pain and Angst for SoonWoo and SeokHao, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, And I Enjoy Evilness, Angst, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Bittersweet, Bittersweet Ending, But honestly who cares?, Character Death, Evil Author Day, Evil Author Day 2020, Fate, Feels, For Breaking So Many Hearts, Heartbreak, Heavy Angst, I am already laughing so much at all the pain imma put yall through!!!! :DDDDDD, I am evil, I mean... Several shall die but like... yeah, I'm Going to Hell, Illnesses, Like... so many people will die, M/M, Mentioned Kim Mingyu, Murder, No Major Characters were killed during the making of this fic, No but seriously Someone WILL die, Of fun!!!, Serial Killer, Side Story, Someone is Going to Die!, Soulmates, The Author Regrets Nothing, The Author also enjoys sarcasm, The Author has a tendency of overexaggerating, The Author is also a compulsive liar, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Truth or Dare, Why Did I Write This?, i live off it, it is my dopamine, it is my lsd bitches, it is my serotonin, like seriously I’m borderline insomniac, maaaaybe I’ll just throw in a serial killer?, you pain is my pleasure.
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-05
Updated: 2021-02-05
Packaged: 2021-03-16 11:47:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 16,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29206836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dunyazatde/pseuds/dunyazatde
Summary: Ya'aburnee (arabic): yak-BER-nee(n.) lit. "you bury me"; the hope that your lover or beloved will outlive you as to spare yourself the pain of living beyond that person.In a world where, instead of your soulmate’s first words written on your wrists, it is their last words you will ever hear them say, Wonwoo and Soonyoung fail find any assurance in their unhappy marriage. Because Soonyoung's wrist boasts of lost love and Wonwoo's heart is afraid to fall.But that doesn't stop Jisoo and Jeonghan from dreaming of an eternity in each other's embrace. Neither does it stop Seokmin wanting to marry Myungho despite his issues forever after a traumatic incident involving his sister. And neither does it stop Wonwoo and Soonyoung from finding love in the likeliest of places.
Relationships: Hong Jisoo | Joshua/Yoon Jeonghan, Jeon Wonwoo/Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi, Lee Seokmin | DK/Xu Ming Hao | The8
Comments: 2
Kudos: 9





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: I refer to Minghao as Myungho and Dokyeom as Seokmin in this fic so... yeah...

Wonwoo has never been a romantic, what with fate ruining his life with the constant reminder of his yet to be found soulmate. Whoever was writing his romantic destiny up there was surely a royal dick because who in their fucking mind would think that marking his wrists up eternally with a very popular, and honestly addictive pop song’s lyrics, was a good idea? Yeah, Wonwoo wasn’t really a big fan of this “God” person.

He sighs, turning down the radio volume as that bloody song blares through the speakers as he’s tying his tie, getting ready for office. It’s a cover sung by a bunch of teenagers and had it been any other song, Wonwoo would’ve called up the radio station and complimented the kids for their splendid rendition of the decade-old song. But as it happens to be the cursed song that laces his wrists, he’s really not that keen on complimenting, let alone acknowledging anyone. 

After all, everytime he hears the song, everytime his wrists shine, his stomach feels like it has spontaneously turned into a black hole that’s rapidly sucking him in.

“You do realise that I actually happen to like that song,” his husband mutters as he steps into the living room of their apartment. Cuffing his sleeves as, he too, prepares for his fifteen-minute drive to the office.

Wonwoo sighs, making room on the couch for his husband, as he continues putting on his shoes. “And you realise that I don’t want to constantly be reminded that my soulmate could be literally anyone who enjoys singing this song, and it might be the last time I ever hear them, right?”

Soonyoung, his husband, snorts and shakes his head as he mumbles, “nice to know you don’t have it narrowed down to your own husband.”

Sighing once again the Wonwoo bites his lips, picking up his briefcase from the coffee table. “I really don’t want to have this conversation with you, Soonyoung,” he mumbles, walking into the kitchen to pull out the grilled cheese sandwiches from the griller. He plates them with an orange juice on the counter, calling out to Soonyoung to “eat before you leave,” as he steps out of the apartment.

No ‘I love you’s’ are shared and no goodbye kisses happen. Soonyoung watches his husband close the door behind him without a second glance and he feels nothing.

* * *

“Myungho, I just don’t think you understand how important marriage is to me,” Seokmin mumbles to his live-in boyfriend of three years, as they lie in each other’s embrace. He can see the frown starting to line his boyfriend’s eyes and he holds his hands tighter as if asking him to let him continue. “I know you’re scared something bad will happen when we say our vows, but it might not even happen, Babe.”

Myungho rolls his eyes, pulling away from the cuddled-up position he and Seokmin are in and stares into his boyfriend’s eyes as he points at the tiny, I do on his wrist. “Do you see this ‘I do’ on my wrist, Seokmin? Do you understand what this means for me and anyone I might be dumb enough to get married to?” Seokmin stares at the mocking words and gulps as he tries to search for a retort but comes back empty-handed. “My sister’s husband died the day he said ‘I love you’ to her before sending her off to work. A car crash, Seokmin. The last thing she heard her husband say was ‘I love you’ and she always knew it’d kill him.”

“That doesn’t mean—” Seokmin begins but is cut off when Myungho pushes him away and starts pulling up his pants, already irritated with the same old conversation.

“She lived every day regretting his words ever since,” Myungho growls, putting on his T-shirt as he starts walking away. “She always told me how guilty she felt for ever allowing her husband to say those words, even after knowing what would happen. Every time he said those words, every time they shone on her wrist, her heart would stop until the words stopped glowing! She says she didn’t think it would happen so soon. But now look at her.” He shakes his head, walking out the door as he mutters under his breath, “stuck in that asylum for life.”

Seokmin watches his lover walk away and he knows he can’t do anything but hurt at the man’s actions. But, no matter how much he hurts, Seokmin knows that he can’t blame Myungho for wanting to protect his love for all eternity. He looks at his own wrist and rubs at the place where once the same words that lace Myungho's wrist had been, remembering getting them covered up at the age of nineteen after watching his father’s breakdown at his mother’s death.

They were never soulmates and something inside his father had broken when he found his wife’s last words to him were not “remember to water the plants today, Taeshik”.

* * *

It takes a special kind of skill to burn a tablecloth with nothing but one single matchstick, Jisoo realises, as he’s rubbing ice over his boyfriend’s finger. Shaking his head at the man, he asks him to keep the ice on his finger for a while and asks him to go back into their bedroom. The man had come out to make a sandwich—at four in the morning—and had burnt his fingers. Though, how that happened is a story Jisoo doesn’t wish to know.

He pulls out the ingredients for a simple chicken salad sandwich when his phone blares announcing a phone call. Rolling his eyes, he receives it, because only one person would call him up at four in the morning. His brother, Soonyoung.

“Just because it’s 7 pm back in Korea,” Jisoo begins, not even allowing Soonyoung on the other line to get a word in, “doesn’t mean you can call me at fucking 4 am, Kwon Soonyoung.”

The younger man snickers on the other end as he seems to shuffle in bed, Jisoo just knows he has probably a tonne of laundry lying on it. “I didn’t think you’d actually answer the call, Joshi.”

Jisoo snorts and pours some homemade mayonnaise in a bowl and pulls out the boiled chicken from the fridge as he explains, “Jeonghan, woke up in the middle of the night to make a sandwich and ended up burning the table cloth and his own hand in the process.

“It’s so creepy that you say this in such a ‘matter-of-fact’ manner,” Soonyoung mutters.

“Hey,” Jisoo shrugs, adding some seasoning into the mayo-chicken mix, “he’s super lazy and super clumsy and the sooner I accept this the better it’ll be for the both of us.”

Soonyoung giggles at his words and Jisoo takes pride in his feat. Sobering down a little when the man stops laughing and silence settles between them. “You okay, Hosh?” He mumbles into the receiver, walking back into his bedroom with the sandwiches in hand.

“Just feeling a little lonely,” Soonyoung mumbles. And Jisoo knows how vulnerable he must be feeling, seeing as he’s admitting to it.

“Where’s Wonwoo?” The man asks, settling down beside his boyfriend, pointing at the phone to make it clear that he shouldn’t speak. “Isn’t he home yet? It’s seven already, right?”

He hears Soonyoung sigh and plump his head on the pillow; he can almost feel Soonyoung’s loneliness digging holes into his own heart. “His office hasn’t let out yet,” Soonyoung tells him—voice tight. “He’ll leave in about an hour.”

Jisoo aches to comfort his brother somehow. To tell him that it’s just an hour. That Wonwoo will be home soon and that he should just wait it out a little. But he knows that Soonyoung’s loneliness has nothing to do with Wonwoo’s office timings. And that it has everything to do with the charred words on his wrist. The words that stopped shinning almost a year ago.

He finds himself unable to respond and it is Soonyoung who has to calm his thoughts as he mumbles “I… I think… I think Wonwoo’s home now, Jisoo. I’ll talk to you later.”

His brother cuts the call after that but Jisoo knows it’s not because his husband just came back home. He knows Wonwoo hasn’t come back yet because he never heard the doorbell ring on Soonyoung’s side. And against his better judgment, knowing well that nothing is going to change between the pair, Jisoo wishes happiness to both men.

He’s aware of the pain they’ve been through and nothing hurts more than his inability to help them.


	2. Chapter 2

Fate seems to mock him as Soonyoung stares at the June 15th circled on the calendar. A wallet-sized picture of Mingyu sits clipped to it and it takes everything in Soonyoung’s power to not hurl something at it.

He’s been up since dawn break and all he’s done is either stare at Mingyu’s photographs or watch Wonwoo running around their apartment preparing the memorial food for the _Myojae_.

It’s a morbid atmosphere that surrounds them and it feels like walking around in a morgue room every time Soonyoung and Wonwoo cross paths while preparing for the long trip.

“Could you pack the _songpyeon_ while I go change?” Wonwoo whispers as Soonyoung enters the kitchen. He doesn’t wait for a reply and rushes to their bedroom, leaving Soonyoung staring at the offering food sitting sadly on the countertop.

He packs the _songpyeon_ with great care—Mingyu’s favourite—and places all the _doshiraks_ in a large carry bag. Soonyoung then drags the bag to the living room, puts the memorial tablet in it and waits for Wonwoo.

When his husband comes out of the bedroom the two don’t even share a word as they exit the apartment. Soonyoung holds the door for Wonwoo while his husband carries Mingyu’s portrait out.

The car ride is possibly the most awkward one Soonyoung has ever shared with anyone. Neither speaks and both have tears stubbornly rolling down their cheeks. A sullen silence engulfs them as both find themselves incapable of consoling their husband.

By the time they arrive at the burial site in Anyang, Soonyoung is more composed than Wonwoo. They carry the food towards the raised mound of earth where Mingyu is buried and Wonwoo stumbles when he sees a figure already sitting there.

Soonyoung’s raises his eyes at Wonwoo’s hesitance but continues walking towards Mingyu‘s mother nonetheless. Sitting beside her as she cleans his tombstone.

“Mrs Kim,” he whispers and she turns to greet them with a morose smile. “Let me do the rest.”

She nods his head as if tired and turns to Wonwoo, who stumbles towards them in uncertainty. Soonyoung starts unpacking the food and setting up the ceremonial table, and tries not to cry when he pulls out Mingyu’s portrait from the carry bag.

It’s the one he’d taken of him after Mingyu’s high school graduation. He remembers their first kiss the same night and the intensity of the stinging in his heart increases tenfold.

Wonwoo edges closer to the woman and she gently pats his cheeks, tears streaking her cheeks as she tries to form some semblance of a smile.

“Wonwoo-ya,” she whispers, holding his face gently. She leans up to kiss his forehead and another slew of tears makes its way down his cheeks. “My sweet, sunny child.”

And it’s like the tightrope that was his sanity has been broken and all his emotions creep out as he watches the woman, crying into her hand as she caresses his face.

And Wonwoo cries.

Wonwoo loses all semblance of where he is and who he’s with and let’s himself cry after months of staying dumb. Because it’s been a year since Mingyu’s death and he’s still unable to let go.

Because it’s been a year since he’s been left alone and he still hasn’t learnt how to be without his brother.

Because at night when nightmares strangle him, Mingyu is not there to comfort him.

Because he’s terrified and Mingyu is no longer his shield against the world.

Soonyoung is startled when he hears it because he’d never expected Wonwoo to cry. That is not to say that he didn’t think Wonwoo didn’t cared about Mingyu. It’s just that he didn’t think Wonwoo was the type to show his emotions so easily.

But watching his husband weep like a child in his Aunt’s arms, hiccuping like a baby, Soonyoung finds himself helpless.

_What am I supposed to even do? How should I console my own husband?_

He watches the pair crying and he’s sure that if it continues both will continue crying themself sick. So, for the first time since their marriage he decides to forget his own loss (for the time being at least).

Soonyoung finishes setting up the ceremonial offerings, then shifts towards Wonwoo. He gently pulls the man away from his Aunt, mumbling, “it’s time for the ceremony, Wonwoo. Let’s finish the ceremony first, okay?”

His husband freezes under his touch, not letting go of his Aunt’s embrace until the woman pats his shoulders. Wonwoo looks at his Aunt and slowly lets go of his death grip on her as she nods at him with assurance. 

As if telling him that Soonyoung’s safe. _He won’t hurt you._

She then turns to the portrait of her son and with tears anew, and starts the prayer. Soonyoung and Wonwoo watch from behind her, waiting their turn to make their offerings.

* * *

“Mingyu loved cooking, you know?” His mother tells the pair over a quiet lunch. 

They’d moved to a small restaurant after finishing the memorial rites and it had been thirty minutes since anyone spoke. Mrs Kim must’ve thought talking would somewhat brighten the tense atmosphere.

“He loved cooking, stitching, cleaning the house,” she laughs gently as she says the last part. “Sometimes his father would grouch that he was supposed to be born a girl instead.”

“That’s why you called him your little baby girl, right, Mrs Kim?” Soonyoung smiles at the woman, chuckling at the memory of when Mingyu had told him that years ago.

The woman laughs heartily at that, nodding her head and wiping away some of her tears as she continues, “he used to love it when I called him that. Used to say that it made him feel special.”

“Only Mingyu would like that nickname,” Soonyoung shakes his head smiling endearingly.

The atmosphere sombers down again but Mrs Kim doesn’t let the silence reign. She huffs a sigh and holds Wonwoo hand across the table, rubbing it gently as she continues, “he was so very fond of Wonwoo.” 

Before she can continue they’re waiter brings their order and Wonwoo thanks the heavens that his Aunt was interrupted. But, soon as the waiter leaves she starts speaking again.

“Your mother was so young when she left us, my child. I remember the day you came into our home to live with us. All those things you had to suffer…” she tells the man, sighing sadly as she picks up her chopsticks. Wonwoo and Soonyoung follow suit, waiting for her to take the first bite. “Mingyu really cared for you a lot, Wonwoo. In fact, I used to joke with him that he was your mother. He reminded me so much of her. I’m sure that’s why it was easy for you two to get along as well, right?”

Wonwoo doesn’t speak and simply nods his head. And Soonyoung can tell with the way Wonwoo’s hands clutch desperately on to the table cloth, that the conversation makes him uneasy. He can’t fathom why it would but it makes him uneasy to watch his husband uncomfortable like that. Still, he can’t exactly stop Mingyu’s mother from speaking either so he does the second best thing he can think of.

He opens the rice bowl for Wonwoo and brings the man’s hand towards the chopsticks, mumbling “eat.”

He’s not sure how that helps but the action does make Mingyu’s mother stop talking—for a while at least. But it doesn’t last as she continues talking about Mingyu and Wonwoo and their childhood and Soonyoung doesn’t understand why Wonwoo looks more and more terrified of the subject but after some while, Soonyoung changes the topic of the conversation to Mingyu’s father.

“Mr Kim didn’t come with you, Mrs Kim?”

The woman freezes mid-bite and sends a worried glance towards Wonwoo before changing the subject again, “I packed some food for you two so don’t forget to take it before leaving for Seoul.”

Soonyoung frowns at the subject change but doesn’t speak of it. A side glance at Wonwoo gives him enough insight to know that Mingyu’s father is probably off topic for the man and that Mingyu’s mother is aware of the fact. He’s exceedingly confused by everything now but his husband is scratching his arms almost hypnotically and that worries him.

He stops Wonwoo from scratching his skin out by holding his hands back. His hands are small and Wonwoo could easily escape the grip but he doesn’t. He stops scratching but doesn’t look up.

Mrs Kim seems to sense the tension between them as Wonwoo tries to get Soonyoung to let go but fails to make him lose his grip. She clears her throat breaking the moment and smiles at them looking out the window as she says, “you two better head back to Seoul now. It’s already starting to dark out, it’ll be night the time you two get back home. With traffic and all…”

Wonwoo stays quiet and Soonyoung follows suit as they let Mingyu’s mother pay for the food (something she’d insisted on). And then they follow her out to the main entrance again.

“Wonwoo, dear. Could you clear up the _Myojae_ supplies for me please?”

He quickly nods his head and leaves Soonyoung and his Aunt near the entrance of the restaurant. And soon as he leaves Mrs Kim turns to Soonyoung before the man can excuse himself to go help his husband.

“Soonyoung,” she mumbles, eyes downcast. “I know you felt that awkward air between us when you asked about Mingyu’s father. I know you chose not to speak of it because you didn’t want to upset us more.”

“I… figured it’s a family matter that… I shouldn’t get involved.”

“Are you not family then?”

“I am but—“

“Wonwoo was 13 when he started living with us,” she tells him in a hurry. And Soonyoung figures it’s because she doesn’t want to speak in front of Wonwoo, so he lets her speak. “Mingyu’s father never approved of his living with us. We weren’t living the best lives back then and having another mouth to feed was tough. We fought a lot and more often than not it was about Wonwoo staying with us. And all that anger was usually taken out on Wonwoo. Mingyu was too young to stop him and I was too weak.” 

“He didn’t abuse him enough to warrant police action or anything but…” she adds so as not to let him get the wrong idea. Soonyoung tries to process the sudden influx of information being shoved at him but it only makes his mind hurt. But the woman doesn’t seem to care for his nerves as she continues, “but it was enough to ruin his childhood… enough to make it impossible for him to function without someone always there with him. There for him. Comforting him. He needed a protector and—“

“And Mingyu was the protector…”

Mingyu’s mother nods her head and bites her lips, guilt evident in her eyes as she continues in a quiet voice, “once Mingyu was old enough he would stop his father. They fought a lot about it but Mingyu never let Wonwoo hurt again. He always protected Wonwoo like an elder brother. He was younger but…”

She looks up at him then. Crying again but this time for her adopted son. “And if that wasn’t enough, Wonwoo’s ex-husband…” She can’t continue speaking and Soonyoung finds him incapable of helping her so all he does is patiently wait for her to regain her composure.

She’s about to speak again but that’s when Wonwoo comes back, carrying the bag full of empty lunch boxes and the ceremonial tablet and Mingyu’s portrait.

He stands beside Soonyoung smiling at his Aunt, waiting for her to shoo them off. And sure enough she kisses his temple goodbye muttering an innocent “take care”, and sends them off.

* * *

When they get back to their apartment it's 9pm. Wonwoo excuses himself to the bathroom and Soonyoung decides to make some kimchi stew for dinner. 

He’s adding blocks of tofu in the stew when he hears Wonwoo enter the kitchen. Over his shoulders he tells the man, “could you check the rice please, Wonwoo?”

Robotically, his husband moves to the rice cooker to check the water level and closes it when he sees it’s still got some water remaining. Soonyoung waits for some kind of confirmation but when he doesn’t receive any response he turns around to find Wonwoo leaning against the countertop, eyes bloodshot, looking utterly broken.

But that’s not what makes Soonyoung shiver in fear. It’s Wonwoo’s scratched up arms.

Soonyoung moves on autopilot. Racing towards his husband as he stands limply, watching him reach overhead for the first aid kit.

The gashes are deep and almost sinister. Red and bloody, some are quite deep considering they are self inflicted and done by just his nails. 

Soonyoung douses them with alcohol first but is at a loss at what he should do next. They don’t have enough bandage to wrap the wound, and neither is the injury severe enough to warrant one. But he also doesn’t want to leave it open lest risk infection.

“Just… let it go,” Wonwoo tells him then. Speaking for the first time since that morning. “It’ll heal itself.”

And it’s only then that Soonyoung realises that they’re standing way too close. He can see the tear tracks on Wonwoo’s cheeks and can imagine Wonwoo seeing the dark circles under his eyes. Wonwoo is flushed red and his lips are swollen from biting them too hard and Soonyoung’s heart breaks at the image of the man.

He’s scared—terrified, in fact—and he’s not sure who to trust. It’s clear as day in the way Wonwoo edges back into the countertop despite it digging into his lower back that Wonwoo doesn’t trust Soonyoung. That he’s rather scared of him but doesn’t show.

Soonyoung tries looking into his husband’s eyes but when he finds Wonwoo straining to avoid eye contact, he steps closer to the man. And slipping his arm around his back, pulls Wonwoo closer to himself, turning around so that the countertop isn’t digging into his back.

“Let’s eat,” he says and moves back to the stew, leaving Wonwoo to set the table.

They eat in silence and move lethargically as they clean up and get ready for bed.

And lying in bed, staring up at the ceiling, Soonyoung decides to speak.

“What’s your favourite memory with Mingyu?”

Wonwoo doesn’t give a reply and Soonyoung doesn’t force him to, instead chuckles warmly remembering his own. 

“Mine is when we went to a skating range for our third date.” He recalls, turning to his side so that he’s looking at Wonwoo. Wonwoo turns his head, alarmed at the sudden movement, but doesn’t move away. “He was the one who had suggested it. And the entire day all he did was fall on his butt! I swear when he first stepped onto the ice he looked like a baby giraffe who’d just learnt walking.”

And just like that laughter fills the bedroom. With Wonwoo snickering giddily at the mental image and Soonyoung laughing out loud at the memory. 

They fall silent after a while but Wonwoo fills it with a whisper. Soonyoung is proud that he could make Wonwoo feel confident enough to speak.

“Back when Mingyu was in highschool,” his husband tells him, “he was crazy about fashion designing.” 

“I didn’t know he was into fashion design?”

“He was,” Wonwoo says, turning to his side so he’s face to face with Soonyoung. “So he entered a competition to test his skills out, but a day before the contest he found out it was a girls only event.”

Soonyoung starts giggling as he listens to Wonwoo, “I can already imagine where this is going.”

Wonwoo nods his head, finding it hard to speak as he recounts, “so he asked me to steal makeup from Aunty’s room and dress him up as a girl! And then, bought a wig and a miniskirt just to attend the contest!”

Laughter bursts into the room at the anecdote and both husbands are rolling in the bed, tears in their eyes for a completely different reason. Soonyoung finds some composure in the chaos and wheezes asking, “so wait. Did he win or not?”

Wonwoo is laughing so hard he finds it hard to even give a reply and just shakes his head in denial.

By the time they cool down both are heaving with remnants of the laughter clinging to their lips as they look at each other. 

“I even took a photo of him that day,” Wonwoo tells Soonyoung. “I’ll show it to you someday.”

And they continue talking that night. About Mingyu and all these crazy little stunts and stories. And Soonyoung feels a little closer to Wonwoo. For a night, Soonyoung only lives to make Wonwoo forget the pain of Mingyu’s death.

Because when Soonyoung lost a soulmate, Wonwoo lost a loving brother.


	3. Chapter 3

From behind his phone camera, Jisoo smiles at the heartwarming image of his boyfriend trying to fit into a small cardboard box and is once again bombarded with realisation of just how much he adores the man. Jeonghan, having somehow managed to sit inside the small box, is shooting hearts at the four year old grinning at him as he sits him in his lap. It's all too much for Joshua! Everything about Jeonghan pretending to be the train-master and making “choo-choo” sounds while grinning at the kid makes his insides turn into jelly.

“Now, Chan-ah!” Jeonghan exclaims in his adorably pitched voice that he uses with kids. “Remember to tighten your seatbelts because this is going to be a bumpy ride!”

With the warning comes a “whooosh” sound—courtesy Jeonghan, naturally—and a dramatic display of strength on Jeonghan’s part as he simulates a rollercoaster for the boy sitting in his lap. His boyfriend wobbles violently where he’s sat, making take off sounds and other plane related sounds as he asks Chan to hold tight. How the train ride turned into an aeroplane trip is beyond him, but Jisoo does know one thing for sure.

Jeonghan is indeed the only man he shall marry.

He stops recording and joins the pair, pulling Chan into his arms and turning around swiftly a few times to imitate a helicopter diving up and down, and then dips back mid turn to return the kid to Jeonghan. In a feat of giggles, Chan falls limply into his boyfriend’s lap and a warm air fills their apartment that is accompanied by Jeonghan’s hearty laughter.

He likes this. In fact, this is his dream. Having a kid just as adorable as Chan and spending his weekends sharing his attention on his child and the love of his life. 

“Okay, now who’s hungry for pizza,” he says after a while when Jeonghan stops laughing. He doesn’t wait for Chan to stop laughing because the two shoot their hands up screaming Me as soon as the inquiry leaves his mouth. Jisoo shakes his head and ruffles the boy's hair before getting up and walking back to the kitchen.

By the time he sets the plates both Jeonghan and Chan are sitting on the table grinning at him like two mischievous Siamese cats. He laughs, shaking his head as he places the plates in front of them and they start pulling apart pizza slices from the dinner plate.

“How is it?” He asks, eyeing the pair in apprehension because his cooking skills are often critiqued negatively by the two. “It’s a new recipe. I added sundried tomatoes into the sauce.”

Gesturing at the food like some fresh chef wannabe Jeonghan clicks his tongue, “nope. Nope. Not good enough. Right, Channie?”

Chan shakes his head just as elegantly and taps the side of the plate with his plastic spork, explaining. “Pineapples. I can’t believe you forgetted them!”

Joshua rolls his eyes at their response and sends a playful glare towards Jeonghan when the two start giggling at his sour expression. Much like Jeonghan, Chan enjoys teasing him too.

After lunch is over, they play some more where Chan’s blatant favoritism ends up making Jeonghan win all the games. And before they know it, evening hits the apartment with the sun setting and the ring of the doorbell.

“I hope he wasn’t too annoying.” Chan’s mother winces when she sees the mess around the apartment. They’d been making a pillow fort when she arrived to pick Chan up. Actually two pillow forts. Jisoo wasn’t allowed in Chan and Jeonghan’s.

“Don’t worry about it, Yeji.” Jisoo waves her off and she wishes them a goodnight, walking away with a reluctant Chan who yells Goodnight, Jeonghan! I love you! as he follows his mother.

“What about me you, brat!” Jisoo yells back. To which Chan replies by sticking his tongue out and yelling Meroong!

* * *

Somedays Jisoo wonders how wonderful the thing called fate is. How lucky he was to have met Jeonghan. How serendipitous their meeting was.

Today, however, is not one of those days.

He feels a headache creeping up his neck to his cranium as he watches Jeonghan grin evilly aiming a water gun at him. And if it wasn’t obvious that Jeonghan is the devil incarnate he's even wearing a black devil hairband and skull earrings to boot.

“Han…” Jisoo groans, pinching his forehead, already raising his arms in the air. “I’m tired, okay. I just need to rest for an hour and then we’ll play. I promise.”

But does Jeonghan care? _No. He doesn't give a damn._

Without warning, he screams a battle cry and starts shooting the black water at him. Jisoo yells back alike, and dives towards the other water gun lying near the shoe rack.

And what ensues thereafter is a mediocre reenactment of some 90s war movie wherein Jisoo is still losing. 

“You’ll never catch me!” Jeonghan screams again, charging at him with his still half full water gun aimed maliciously towards him. And before Jisoo can even point out that some foul play is at hand—there’s no way he still has water in his gun and I’m all out of mine already!—Jeonghan is right in front him, an evil smile gracing his face.

Jisoo sighs in defeat, gets down on his knees and raises his arms in defence waiting for Jeonghan to give the verdict. Jeonghan cackles maniacally as he sprays the rest of the black water at his face before throwing away the gun.

Jisoo rolls his eyes at the mini ceremony the man does and is just about to stand up from his pose on the ground when Jeonghan jumps down in front of him, legs folded and pulls him by the face for a kiss.

_And oh~ that kiss!_

It’s the kind that’s gentle at first and deepens by the second. The kind that tastes like peppermint candy sticks dipped in hot chocolate. It’s slow and breathy and warm. And it’s everything that makes Jisoo fall madly in love with Jeonghan.

* * *

“I like the red power ranger,” Jeonghan sleepily mumbles, snuggling closer into Jisoo's chest. “But the green power ranger is a hottie too.”

Jisoo brings his arms around his back, pressing him closer, allowing Jeonghan to fall into a snuggly embrace, as he hums back in reply. Resting his chin on the crown of his head, he mumbles back, “I like Oswald. Let’s just watch Oswald.”

Jeonghan yawns into his chest, his warm, wet breath touches Jisoo’s nipples almost sinfully, and Jisoo shudders at the sudden hotness in his pajamas. But shakes his head when he sees Jeonghan’s eyes are already half closed.

“Just put anything on already,” Jeonghan yawns once again, and this time Jisoo bites his lips to keep the moan from leaving his mouth. “I just wanna sleep with the TV on.

Jisoo looks down at the man who’s probably already asleep and sighs biting his lips as he turns on the Pogo Channel. Oswald’s Tomato Garden episode is running and the slow and calm voice of the loveable, blue octopus quickly makes his own eyes heavy.

Jeonghan hums the theme song under his breath and it takes Jisoo everything to hold himself back from pinching the man’s cheeks! Because _HOW ADORABLE IS HE?!_

Jeonghan soon falls into a deep sleep as his breathing turns light and his body goes limp. Jisoo smiles at the man, fighting his own slumber away, and switches the TV off. He carries the older man to their bedroom, and drags himself and his boyfriend into bed and before he knows it, he falls asleep.

And he dreams of power rangers and yummy octopus stews and five young kids calling him and Jeonghan “Daddy”.

And he dreams of Jeonghan, beautiful and smiling at him. Forever his.


	4. Chapter 4

When he sees blood pooling around his feet, it smells sweeter than any _baklava_ he has ever had and the murderer smiles almost maniacally at the victim’s moans of pain. He crouches down next to the dying man’s face, and a greasy grin marrs his visage as he plunges the dagger into the man’s carotid artery. The blood gushes out the man’s neck with vengeance and the murderer relishes in his victim's final cries for help. 

He steps away from the massacre he has created and kicks the dead body lazily, searching the corpse for a souvenir. A memorabilia of his horrid deed. And sure enough, he spots the blood stained ring in the twitching ring finger of the now dead man. The murderer doesn’t even blink an eye as he chops the finger off and pockets the ring. Leaving the body in the back alley as he walks back to his bicycle.

He has a meeting to attend in the evening and he’s not even ready yet.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some happy vibes before things go south again~~~  
> also, who do y'all think the murderer is and why am I trying to make this... angst? fluff? melodrama? fanfic into a murder mystery???

It’s a rainy day so both Soonyoung and Wonwoo have taken leave from their respective work. An awkward air settles between the pair as they try to work around each other. And even as Wonwoo avoids reaching for the saucepan from the pantry because Soonyoung is currently searching for cereal in it; or even as Wonwoo tries to take up as little space in the living room as possible because they have exactly one couch, that they’ve never had to share, other than when they’re getting ready for work; the men realise just how distant they are from each other.

Soonyoung has no idea that Wonwoo likes making breakfast in the morning and hums to Ed Sheeran songs while he’s doing it, despite leaving for work only after his husband has made him breakfast each morning. And Wonwoo has no idea that Soonyoung likes wearing toe socks during the day, even though he is the one in charge of laundry and has to remind his husband not to leave his socks outside the bathroom every time.

What Soonyoung does know about Wonwoo is that his wrists spell the lyrics to the song his soulmate is supposed to sing to him for the last time ever, and that Soonyoung is supposed to never sing it. What Wonwoo does know about Soonyoung is that the man has both his wrists marked by fate and that he is to never mention the words etched into Soonyoung’s right hand or the scratched-out words on his left.

They are sitting awkwardly on the couch, careful to not touch each other, when Soonyoung uncomfortably asks Wonwoo if he’d like some ice cream. A little shocked at the sudden inquiry, the man stares at his partner owl-eyed as he nods his head “yeah… Yeah sure. I’d like that.”

Soonyoung awkwardly nods his head and heads into the kitchen and Wonwoo is left on the couch wondering why something as simple as sharing an ice cream is so hard for them.

“What flavour do you like?” Soonyoung yells from the kitchen and Wonwoo is startled at the man’s voice. He’s never heard the man speak above the low grumble he’d always thought was Soonyoung’s natural tone of voice.

Wonwoo, for a second, forgets what his favourite flavour of ice cream is because he’s pleasantly surprised to know that Soonyoung’s voice isn’t as hoarse as he knew it to be. It’s rather calming, actually. He’s smiling like a creep when Soonyoung yells out his question once again and Wonwoo stutters as he says, “butterscotch, if you have it please?”

Soonyoung cringes at the tone Wonwoo uses, as if ordering at an ice cream shop but he doesn’t voice his discomfort at the man’s formal tone. Mainly because he doesn’t know any other way for them to function around each other. They’re like two bumbling varieties of the same species of cats that can’t seem to get along for lack of trying. Asking him for ice cream out of the blue was hard enough for him. So, he shakes his head and pulls out two bowls, filling them with butterscotch ice cream — his favourite — before taking them to the living room.

Settling down beside his husband, Soonyoung clears his throat to grab Wonwoo’s attention and gives him his bowl of icy delight, bringing his feet under himself to rest comfortably on the couch. They continue eating the ice cream in complete silence because neither has the courage to pick up the TV remote and put on a certain channel (seeing as both are oblivious to the other’s entertainment preferences). It looks like a scene from a very bad soap opera where the actors have forgotten their lines and are waiting for the director’s que.

“Do you wanna watch something?” Soonyoung asks softly, once again going back to the low tone Wonwoo had come to associate him with.

The younger husband nods his head eagerly and Soonyoung plucks the remote from the coffee table in front of them as he starts surfing through channels. He asks Wonwoo what he’d like to watch but when the man responds with “anything is fine with me” Soonyoung settles on an anime channel.

It’s fifteen minutes into the _Full Metal Alchemist_ that Wonwoo and Soonyoung realise that they’ve found something in common and the two spend the rest of the day watching reruns of old animes and cartoons, giggling like five-year-old boys over each other’s re-enactment of the _Kage no Bunshin Jutsu_. Eating nothing but ice cream and pizzas ordered from Pizza Hut, cuddled up on the couch as if it’s a slumber party.

By the end of the day Wonwoo knows that Soonyoung likes butterscotch ice cream, just like him, and animes and Naruto. And that he has a high-pitched voice when he talks without restraint. And that he likes folding his feet under himself when he sits. And that he snorts when he laughs too hard.

Soonyoung knows that Wonwoo likes butterscotch ice cream, just like him, and animes and Naruto. And that he enjoys listening rather than speaking. And is a rather excitable young man once you get to know him better. And that he is a genius when it comes to scrabble.

And neither can say the night could have gone better as they lie in bed discussing what anime to watch next late into the night.

* * *

“Jeonghan, I’m telling you,” Jisoo begins as he’s packing their bags for their flight next morning to Los Angeles. He shoves his hand on his boyfriend’s mouth to stop his humming and gives him a pointed look, “you better stop humming that song before I take you to meet Wonwoo, okay? He’s gonna flip if he finds out you’re such a fan of it.”

“Please~ didn’t you fall in love with me _because_ I was singing this song?” Jeonghan grumbles, pulling out random shirts and pants from his dresser. When Jisoo’s expression remains stoic he rolls his eyes muttering. “I won’t sing it in front of your dear little brother in law. Happy?”

“Thankyou.” At the mention of his brother, Jisoo beams at his boyfriend and nods his head excitedly. “I’m so happy we finally get to meet them in six months!” Jumping on the balls of his feet, the man looks a little like one of those punching bags that kids use (you know the ones that look like clowns and are filled with water instead of sand?) Shaking his head, he adds, “I haven’t seen them in almost a year, ever since I signed that modelling contract.”

“How many times have I told you, you can always video chat with him?” Jeonghan rolls his eyes, shoving more clothes into his duffel bag. “I just don’t understand why you won’t just skype him or something? You haven’t even introduced me to him. For all I know, he probably thinks of me as a pervert who saw you modelling one day in Paris during one of my blogs and then started to follow you around until you started dating me!”

Jisoo raises his eyes comically at his partner and snickers as he wonders out loud, “isn’t that basically what happened though?”

Jeonghan growls at the man’s sarcastic tone and lunges at him across their bed, locking his arms around the bigger man as he says, “that is not what happened. I happened to be blogging when you decided to enter my shot without my consent because I was singing and before you knew it, we fell in love.”

“Pretty sure it’s the first one, Hannie,” Jisoo snickers, patting his head before kissing his forehead, “but I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

“Good,” Jeonghan mutters, resting his face in the crook of Jisoo’s shoulders. “’Cuz I’m not averse to drugging you for life if I have to keep you by my side, okay?”

Jisoo pats the man’s arms as he laughs, “a little predatory there, my friend.”

The other man rolls his eyes as he gets up, kissing his boyfriend before going back to packing his back. Jisoo watches Jeonghan shove more and more clothes into his suitcase and he decides to give Soonyoung a video call as soon as they land in LA. 

It’s about time his brother met the love of his life.

* * *

Myungho places a warm glass of water by the bedside table as he caresses Seokmin's hair to wake the man up. They’re adamant believers of the ‘afternoon catnap’ and as much as he wishes they could just snuggle away until nighttime, Seokmin has a play to perform at and Myungho has to attend a meeting at his music studio.

Whining at the frankly welcome disturbance, Seokmin stretches a little and turns to Myungho with a smile. Kissing the man gently as he sits up.

Myungho smiles at the man in front of him, feeling like he did all those years ago when they had first met. “I love you so much,” he whispers, leaning down for another kiss. Smiling when Seokmin giggles. “I need to go out for a meeting. And you need to get dressed for that awfully taxing play of yours.”

A rueful smile graces Seokmin's lips as he touches the base of his throat gingerly. “I don’t think I’ll be able to perform that well today,” he mumbles. Myungho can see the disappointment in the man’s eyes at the realisation as he picks up the glass from the side table, pushing it in Seokmin hand. He already knows he’s going to ask Seokmin to go because he knows how much Seokmin loves this, despite hating the idea of Seokmin screaming out at the audience again.

“Don’t worry about the performance,” he says. “You’ll do great. Just drink some warm water. I’ll steep some lemon tea for you. You’ll feel better in no time.”

The younger man giggles once again and leans in for another kiss as he whispers into the elder’s lips. “How did I ever get so lucky?”

“Baby, luck had nothing to do with you and I,” Myungho sniggers, rubbing his nose against Seokmin's. “It was all fate.”

Seokmin nods happily at the man’s words and watches him walk away to the kitchen with a giddy heart. He truly believes that fate did bring them together. He looks at the words on his wrists and decides to accept his fate after all.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact: SeokHao was supposed to be VerKwan but I like toxic SeokHao more.

Seokmin pours another cup of the detox tea he’d brewed in the morning and continues reading through his script, sipping every once in a while. Myungho shakes his head endearingly at his boyfriend, ruffling the man's hair when he plops down next to him on the loveseat, never looking away from the script. Seokmin isn't bothered by the skinship, instead pushes into the warmth that Myungho's hand offers.

“When’s the show then, hmm?” Myungho asks him, looking through his schedule for tomorrow—he’s free after his product design class and he knows Seokmin is free all day tomorrow too. “You’re home tomorrow, right?”

“It’s next week, babe. And yep~ I’m free tomorrow and I hate you for having a meeting all day on my one and only free day!”

The frown on Seokmin's forehead makes Myungho coo at the man, and he easily places a kiss upon his brow. And just like that, the frown eases into a cheeky grin.

“I’ll be free Sunday, babe,” Myungho says. He’s planning on surprising Seokmin tomorrow with a picnic date after he comes back early from classes. “Besides, you said you wanted to practice your dialogues too, right? You can do it alone while I’m attending the dance practicum tomorrow. All day.”

Seokmin doesn’t give a response to the consolation, and instead chooses to pout as he leans back into Myungho's embrace. The man doesn’t delay in pulling him close either.

They lie like that for a long while. The TV is on but they’ve lowered the voice so much they can barely make out a word. In fact, it only serves to provide as a light source in the otherwise dark living room. There’s a single loveseat they both use, Seokmin almost half lying on Myungho, who doesn’t seem to mind. Myungho is busy editing his product designs for his meeting tomorrow on his tablet and Seokmin is almost dozing off in his arms. Every once in a while Myungho cards his fingers through Seokmin hair, making it harder and harder to stay awake.

It’s painfully domestic, and shamelessly contending the way the two enjoy each other’s silence.

* * *

“Fuck you! Okay? I don’t need you so why don’t we just break this fucking relationship off and you can go and slut around as much as you like! Or better yet just fucking marry someone, huh?! How about that?!”

Myungho grits his teeth, fists ready to fly. He holds back a growl and huffs angrily as he stalks towards Seokmin, who doesn't move. Instead, Seokmin reaches for another mantle-piece to throw at him. He easily misses his mark and it lands on the apartment floor breaking into a million pieces as soon as it hits the ground.

Myungho grabs his shoulders and angrily pushes him into the wall behind him, caging him as he growls at the man. “How many fucking times have I told you? Don’t say the words. And yet you insist on fucking. Saying. Them!” He enunciates each word with a punch to the wall, right beside Seokmin's face.

But Seokmin doesn’t waver under the stare. He doesn’t even blink. He pushes against Myungho's chest but the other man is too strong. Seokmin whines against the beast like hold Myungho has on his waist, but his Myungho doesn’t let go. So, after much struggle, he resorts to hitting him instead. 

Myungho doesn’t move; he lets Seokmin beat him, hurt him, yell curses at him. And cry into his chest. He doesn’t move away. And keeps staring at the purple wounds near Seokmin's jaw. It’s quickly turning black and Myungho imagines it must hurt like a bitch. And he cries.

Because he’s the reason Seokmin can’t have a normal relationship. Because it’s been 15 years since they’ve started dating but uncertainty still looms large around them. Because Seokmin isn’t at fault for wanting a normal life. 

Because all Seokmin did was practice some dialogues for his play but Myungho wouldn’t have it. Because one thing led to another and he was the one who threw the first punch.

Because at the end of the day the person hurting Seokmin the most is him.

Myungho's breath shudders as it leaves his mouth and his arms give way, letting him lose footing as he leans his head on Seokmin's shoulder. His boyfriend turns his head away as if even looking at Myungho is a pain. He can’t say he blames him.

“Seokmin… I’m—“

“No. You’re not…” Seokmin mumbles, turning his head further away. Myungho looks up at him, at the angry finger marks that line Seokmin's neck, at his red and unforgiving eyes. And guilt comes crashing at him like an avalanche of memories. Happy memories of them in love replaced with anger, bitterness, and longing.

Seokmin pushes him away once he feels Myungho hold on him loosening. And he stumbles back, stuttering as he watches Seokmin angrily walk towards their bedroom. “S—Seokmin!”

He races after his boyfriend and finds him pulling out his suitcase from under their bed and shoving shirts, T-shirt’s, jeans and every other clothing article into it. His stomach gives way to a certain hollowness he has never felt before.

Myungho crying like a child stumbles next to Seokmin, rubbing his hands in apology. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Seokmin. I—I… I’m sorry please… please…”

Seokminstops packing when Myungho presses his face into his back. Weeping into the crook of his shoulder blades like a lap dog. “Please… Myung—“

“I’ll be good, Seokmin. I... I’ll be good. I prom—promise.”

“We’re not good for each other, Myungho. We’re like fireworks in a gas station. You and I… maybe… maybe we just weren’t meant to be,” Seokmin says, biting his lips. Forcing his body to move and continue packing. His heart breaking by the second at the thought of the eventual goodbye.

“Don’t—Don’t say that. Don’t—“

“We keep hurting each other, Myungho… and it’s not healthy. We’re toxic. We’re bad.” Seokmin angirly wipes his tears away as he continues shoving clothes in his suitcase, gritting his teeth or else he might take back his words.

But Myungho doesn’t let him continue. He swiftly holds him in a tight back hug. Keeping him from movement as he aggressively kisses down his neck to his shoulders to his temple. He’s hurting Seokmin again, he knows he is, but he can’t let go. Not yet. Not so soon. Not ever.

“Myung— please. Let me go…” Seokmin whines against the death grip, sobbing as he wrenches his arms out of the right hold. “I can’t…”

Myungho falls back at his words, and Seokmin continues packing his bags. Myungho, as if staring off into space, watches Seokmin walk away and just when he’s crossing the threshold he speaks. Almost zombie-like.

“I love you… I love you, Seokmin…”

And just like that, like a promise that was meant to be forgotten, his resolve breaks and Seokmin falls down where he stands. Crying against the threshold as everything comes crashing down. Holding his suitcase against his chest as if to ground himself lest he vanish from existence itself.

Crying like a kid who’d lost his mother too soon. Crying, because he can never let go the fifteen year old boy he’d fallen madly in love with..

Because it’s never easy with Myungho. Because it’s so, so difficult to be happy with the man. Because they’re like fire and ice and they’re not perfect. Because they’re toxic.

Because Myungho is like poison to his veins that Seokmin can’t stop drinking into.

Because Seokmin is so madly in love with the man.

And soon, too soon, warm arms are holding him as he cries. Myungho cups his face and kisses him. And through the tears the taste of Myungho's desperation is bitter, almost like gall. 

The kiss: slow like the end of the world wrapped into a grand finish.

And Seokmin can’t help but melt into Myungho's arms. Letting all remnants of his sanity wither away into that one moment of contentment that sharing a kiss with the love of his life gives.


	7. Chapter 7

Jisoo eyes the Skype icon that keeps vibrating as he curses the day Soonyoung was born. He had clearly told his brother he’d come online today and lo and behold! Soonyoung was nowhere to be seen. He’s _this_ close to disowning the man when the great Mr Kwon Soonyoung finally decides to answer the call.

“I know I am late but please understand I couldn’t find my laptop charger!” Soonyoung speaks a mile a minute to avoid Jisoo’s chiding. When he sees the man’s frown only double in size, he brings out his hands in front of him and waves them about exclaiming, “I’m sorry im sorry im sorry!”

At brother’s pleading expression and pouting lips, Jisoo doesn’t stand a chance. And it seems Soonyoung knows because he’s part snickering as he apologises. “Urgh!” Jisoo screams, pulling at his hair comically and had Soonyoung not been begging the man for forgiveness, he would’ve guffawed at his expression. “I hate when you make that face!”

Soonyoung knows now that he’s in the clear so he snickers and exclaims, “love you too, Josh!” He shakes his head when Jisoo mock glares at him and raises an eye cheekily as he asks, “so? Where’s Jeonghan? I wanna meet him! Show me! Show me! Show me!”

Rolling his eyes and sighing Jisoo places his elbow on the table and his face in his palm, grouching, “he just went to the bathroom. We’d been waiting for half an hour.”

“I’m sorry,” Soonyoung whines, “I just got back from work. I’m exhausted.” The younger slams his head into his pillow making his tablet fall down. Propping it up by its side, Soonyoung continues looking at Jisoo with a wonky smile. It’s a different colour of Soonyoung and Jisoo can’t put a finger on it but something seems to have changed.

The elder chooses to voice his suspicious out with a tiny grin, “you seem content. Not happy, but content” Soonyoung laughs at his brother’s comment. The same old, crinkled eyes, hands on his mouth laughter. “Is it safe to assume you have a crush? Who is it? Your boss?”

Soonyoung’s expression sours at the words and he crinkles his nose funnyly, “my Boss is an old man, old man. And no,” Soonyoung shakes his head, his hair flopping, “I’m not crushing on anyone lately. I just had a good time last weekend with Wonwoo.”

Now Jisoo is _very_ curious. Soonyoung having a good time is, in itself, a miracle ever since he forced himself into this marriage with Wonwoo. And to think that he’s had a good time with said husband? Jisoo _absolutely has_ to know what’s that all about.

“Why? What’d you guys do?” Jisoo asks nonchalantly. Trying very hard to hide his curiosity about the matter.

“Nothing much,” Soonyoung shrugs, a small smile on his lips, “we watched some anime. Ate some ice cream. Talked a little.” Looking back into the tablet camera, Soonyoung continues to smile as he says, “we just had a good time.”

“Well,” the elder begins, “I’m glad you two are getting along.”

The man of the other end of the call coughs a little and his expression turns uncomfortable, as he tries to steal his gaze from his brother. “I wouldn’t exactly call it getting along…” Soonyoung licks his lips uneasily and tries to think of how to continue, “we’re back to ignoring each other again but I feel like I at least know something we have in common now. Besides being unhappy with our marriage.”

“Soonyoung…” Jisoo begins already at a loss for what to say next. He wants to comfort his brother somehow, but he already knows he can’t. “Soonyoung, I know you’re scared to try but sometimes, you have to be the one to initiate any kind of friction between each other. It’s frustrating, I know.” The elder huffs a sigh and shakes his head as he continues, “I know it’s frustrating to not know if you’ll make it. It’s infuriating when you have to start all the conversations. When you don’t have a choice. But Wonwoo is a very nice guy. He’s just a little shy.”

“I know, Josh,” Soonyoung mumbles, turning on his side to stare up at the ceiling. “it’s just… after Mingyu… I’m not ready. In fact, I don’t want to. I’m happy with us just being friendly strangers. I don’t want to lose the one thing that is set in stone for me. He’s not… he’s not Mingyu.”

And the elder knows that’s not all of Soonyoung’s worries. No one would know better than him how much Soonyoung has suffered at the hands of fate just to end up in an unhappy marriage with a heartbroken man. From being rejected to having to reject so many. 

To having to hear those dreaded words before saying goodbye to his soulmate. 

Soonyoung has suffered so many heartbreaks in his small twenty-seven years of life that Jisoo can’t even fathom how the man smiles at him every time they speak.

He remembers that one time when Soonyoung was sixteen and had confessed to a girl that he liked her, only to be rudely rejected because she was already in love with someone else. 

When Soonyoung was eighteen and had gone out with another for two days before he was dumped because the words on his wrist scared her (as if it was Soonyoung that would cause her death). 

And that time when Soonyoung was twenty-one, his boyfriend had dumped him because he was so sure he had found his soulmate. 

Or when Soonyoung was only twenty-five when his third boyfriend died after saying goodbye. When the words on Soonyoung’s left hand wrist glowed golden as his soulmate boarded the plane.

Yep. Life didn’t deal Soonyoung the best cards and Jisoo was no stranger to this. But, seeing his brother smiling quietly, despite his worried eyes staring back at him, he couldn’t help but wonder if Soonyoung had finally found a person to call his own now.

“I think Wonwoo’s the one, Soonyoung,” Jisoo mutters, smiling quietly at his brother. “Try and get to know him. Try and be the sixteen-year-old who randomly confessed to a girl because he liked her stockings.”

Soonyoung laughs out loud at the mention of Minyeo, his high school crush, and relishes in his attempt at a proper confession. He’d always been a little too impulsive when it came to feelings and even, he found it disturbing sometimes. 

“Let’s keep sixteen-year-old me out of the conversation,” Soonyoung sniggers, “and talk about Mr Yoon Jeonghan. Where is he?”

“Oh! Right!” Jisoo grins, turning his head to the bathroom and screaming, “Jeonghan! Come out now or I’m bringing the phone into the shower!”

Soonyoung sniggers at his dramatic brother and watches Jisoo smile when the sound of the bathroom door opening makes him look up. 

“Soonyoung?” Wonwoo calls him then. Soonyoung turns to find him peeping into the room as if unsure if he’s allowed to enter his home office. Soonyoung smiles at his husband, lazily waving him over as he points at his tablet.

“Jisoo’s online!” He exclaims, smirking giddily when Wonwoo rushes over to his side and pushes him out of the screen to say hello to his brother.

“Josh!” Wonwoo waves at him, smiling happily. “How’s LA?”

“Wonwoo! LA is amazing! The weather here is to die for! You two should’ve been here!”

“Maybe next time,” Wonwoo smiles, shooting a glance at Soonyoung who looks just as baffled by the declaration as Jisoo does. “Where’s that mysterious boyfriend of yours that Soonyoung’s always talking about?”

Jisoo starts speaking but before he can even get a word out the camera shakes violently and his voice turns staticky.

“Is he out now?” Soonyoung yells into his headphones, but he can't make out anything his brother is saying. Annoyance discolours Jisoo’s face and then the camera turns to show a handsome young man waving at Soonyoung and Wonwoo. 

They laugh at the goofy smile on the man’s face. They already know it’s Jeonghan, Jisoo’s boyfriend, acting cheeky in the video call, completely ignoring his angry boyfriend in the background.

The camera shakes a little and Jeonghan’s face comes into view. There are soap suds under his chin, and he looks every bit of that goof Jisoo had said he was. And Soonyoung giggles at the man waving a soapy hand at him, supposedly speaking. But the audio is lost.

Jisoo jumps up behind his boyfriend and seems to be yelling at the man, pointing at the phone and Soonyoung is severely confused but everything that’s going on screen is hilarious. Even without the audio, both Soonyoung and Wonwoo can tell that Jeonghan probably did something while picking up the phone that made the audio cut and now Jisoo was yelling at the taller man. Hands on his hips and a full-on mommy expression of his face.

Jeonghan pouting like a little boy with his head down is the cherry on top and Soonyoung finds himself laughing till his cheeks hurt.

But that’s not even the best part of the call. It’s when Wonwoo carelessly leans on his shoulder while laughing like a madman at his brother.

It’s the pleasant weight on his shoulders that Wonwoo is generous enough to grace him with that makes the night wonderful.

Soonyoung cuts the call after a while when Jisoo texts him that Jeonghan got water into the speakers and now the audio doesn’t work anymore.

They end up laughing for another hour at his brother’s obvious annoyance. 


	8. Chapter 8

Woonwoo prides himself at his lack of pathetic emotions like jealousy. He’s not a petty guy after all.

He also likes to think that when he married Soonyoung it was merely to shut his aunt and uncle up with their constant reminders of his failed love life. After all, he didn’t have much to say about the matter after having failed in twelve relationships since high school and one failed marriage two years ago. And it’s not like he ever fell in love either so chances of falling in love with someone other than his husband after marriage were slim too, he figured.

So it’s only natural that he’s mad at himself for hating the way Soonyoung gets cozy with some guy in the canned fish aisle when he’s out shopping one Sunday evening.

He hates everything about the scene. From the way Soonyoung plays with the other man’s hands as they’re picking out groceries. To the way the man giggles and latches onto Soonyoung every time his husband tells a joke. He hates the familiar air with which the two men behave in each other’s presence as if they’ve been training to do so since birth. And Soonyoung smiles so easily in the man’s presence—in fact it’s the first that Wonwoo’s seen him smile since their marriage.

And more than anything, he hates the way they look so happy with each other. 

Because he and Soonyoung are not happy. Especially when with each other.

But maybe he does get jealous and maybe he _is_ a petty guy because he makes it’s obvious that he hates everything about their little moment together as he purposefully clears his throat ramming his shopping cart over Soonyoung’s poor pinky toe.

A cuss word stops at the tip of his tongue when Soonyoung looks up to see Wonwoo seething at him, a lone box of strawberries sitting in his cart.

“Won— Wonwoo?” Soonyoung manages to slip out. As if the mere fact that Wonwoo is capable of grocery shopping is a shock to him.

The ‘other man’ raises an eye at Wonwoo and does nothing to move away from Soonyoung’s side hug as he shoots him a Cheshire smile.

“And who’s Wonwoo?” He asks Soonyoung, who looks like those baboons on NatGeo when they’re shocked at amateur magic tricks. Wonwoo hates that look on him.

“Umm… Wonwoo! This is… this is Seokmin. And Dokyeom-ah this is…” 

Wonwoo waits for Soonyoung to complete the sentence, but the hesitance makes his blood boil. He watches Soonyoung struggling to explain their relationship — as if Wonwoo is just some acquaintance who he doesn’t want to hurt by calling an acquaintance but doesn’t want to give the wrong idea by calling him a friend either.

The ‘other man’ snickers watching Soonyoung fumble around him words and send fervent glances between Wonwoo and himself. He cheekily shoves Soonyoung away and pushes a hand out for Wonwoo to shake. 

“I’m Seokmin,” the ‘other man’ tells him. “Soonyoung’s business partner and college roommate slash the best friend.”

“I’m Wonwoo”, he easily takes the hand offered never looking away from his husband as he forces a smile. “Soonyoung’s life partner and current roommate slash the husband.”

The shock on his face is enough to tell Wonwoo that Seokmin clearly was never informed about their marriage. He can’t really pinpoint the location but a part of his heart breaks at the knowledge.

“Ah~” Seokmin awkwardly stares between the pair and moves away from Soonyoung’s grasp on his hips. Ruffling his hair as he sends a silent glare towards Soonyoung.

Wonwoo bites his lips when he sees Soonyoung trying to evade his eyes and heaves a sigh as he starts pushing his cart. “I still need to finish my shopping so… I’ll see you around, Mr Seokmin.”

He doesn’t wait for a reply and walks away with his cart and out of the convenience store altogether. He doesn’t have the strength to continue shipping, oddly enough.

* * *

When Soonyoung walks into their apartment that evening he doesn’t find Woonwoo in their bedroom or his study. He doesn’t check his own office because he knows that Wonwoo would never enter it without permission.

A dull ache settles in the back of his neck when he thinks back to their chance encounter in the convenice store just a few minutes ago. He goes into the kitchen to pour himself some water as he thinks back.

He had become tongue tied in front of Seokmin and Wonwoo when he saw him. And by the time he realised how wrong everything must’ve looked to him, Wonwoo had already left the store.

The dull ache turns into throbbing when Soonyoung realises that he doesn’t even know where Wonwoo might be and he doesn’t know of anyone who might. Last time he checked Wonwoo hadn’t made any friends ever since he moved into with him.

The blood in his cranium seems to rush with adrenaline as he quickly makes to leave the apartment again when he stops midway through the kitchen. A blue post it stuck to the refrigerator catches his eyes and a sigh that had been painfully lodged into his chest releases when he reads its contents.

_Out for a walk. Dinner’s pizza; please order it yourself. (Didn’t feel like cooking)._

His legs give away and he stumbles, walking out the kitchen. Cold sweat lines his forehead as he walks out the apartment.

For once, he knows where to find Wonwoo.

* * *

Soonyoung eyes the silhouette of a man in a maroon pullover, siting dejectedly on the swing set. Looking up at lord knows what. And smiles despite himself.

It’s eleven at night so there are no kids to send him dirty glares at the man for stealing away their swings and it’s dark enough to allow the moonlight to brighten the play area.

Soonyoung’s heaves a grateful sigh as he walks towards his husband in the swing and takes a seat in the one next to him.

Wonwoo acknowledges his presence with just a look and goes back to counting stars (or glaring at God. Soonyoung thinks it’s definitely the second one).

They sit in silence for a few minutes before Soonyoung is the one to break the silence.

“Did you have dinner yet?”

Wonwoo never looks away as he questions him back, “Seokmin used to be your ex-boyfriend right? Before Mingyu...”

Soonyoung bites his lips and turns to look at Wonwoo but his husband doesn’t ease his anxiety with eye contact. Instead, Wonwoo chooses to ignore Soonyoung’s discomfort.

“During high school. It was ages ago.” Soonyoung replies after several minutes that feel too thick to breathe.

“Just now… were you two…”

“No!” His husband is quick to refute the though and in the back of his mind Wonwoo is thankful for the swift denial. He hadn’t prepared himself for a confession of adultery. “We’re just… we’re just friends. I did date him years ago but it’s not like that anymore. He’s just… clingy.”

Wonwoo continues staring up at the sky and his lips tremble when he asks, “did you like him a lot?”

Soonyoung bites his lips at his question, Wonwoo can make out from the corner of his eyes. The guilt sits mockingly at the tip of his lips. “I used to. A lot, actually.”

“How come you didn’t marry him then?”

“Because… I don’t love him… like that.”

Wonwoo turns away from his admiration of the moon and whispers his next words but they sound like a cannon bolt to Soonyoung. “So do you love me like that?” 

Soonyoung stares at the man in front of him. His eyes shining bright under the moonlight. There are freckles on his nose and his lips, though dry are plump enough to make his desire. And for the first time in six months. For the first time since their marriage. Soonyoung wishes he really was in love with Wonwoo.

Because the way the moonlight falls on the curve of his face. And the way Wonwoo’s dusky skin glistens with perspiration. And the way Wonwoo licks his lips, biting them as he lets the lower lip fall. Everything about Wonwoo in that moment is desirable and unattainable.

As it is, however, all he can respond with is, “no…” in an after thought he adds, “not yet…”

They continue to stare at each other. A soft breeze ruffles Wonwoo’s slightly long hair and every cell in Soonyoung’s body aches to just reach out and card his fingers through the jet black locks. But he refrains. 

The moment breaks when Wonwoo starts speaking. For once, Soonyoung welcomes the distraction because it feels almost sinful to feel that way for Wonwoo.

Because they’re not in love. Because they’re married but not in love.

“Then why’d you marry me? Seokmin would’ve been a better choice if it was just about getting settled for you parents’ sake.”

“He has a boyfriend.” Soonyoung mumbles, pulling his gaze away. “They’ve been together for years.”

Wonwoo looks back at the sky, blinking away a tear he hopes Soonyoung doesn’t see (he does) and asks, “but why’d you marry me?”

Soonyoung ponders over the question for a while. Heaving a sigh as he continues staring at his feet. Not caring about the sand on his shoes as he thinks. Wonwoo patiently waits for him to reply. Giving him enough time to make up a lie. Anything to shut Wonwoo up.

But Soonyoung chooses not to lie. He has never lied to Wonwoo.

“Because my parents liked you.” Wonwoo turns to him again and this time it’s Soonyoung who’s looking away. He heaves a sigh and continues, “when I lost Mingyu… I didn’t think I could ever love again. My parents were scared for me. Josh was scared for me. I was… am… will always be broken beyond measure. But before our marriage I was near death. I wouldn’t eat. Couldn’t sleep. I was in and out of the hospital for days.”

Soonyoung looks back at Wonwoo and forces a smile on his face despite the tears choking him and whispers to him, “everyone thought I was incapable of falling in love again. At least on my own. They weren’t exactly wrong.”

“And I was the closest person who could replace Mingyu,” Wonwoo whispers back.

Soonyoung shakes his head and whispers, “no. You can’t replace Mingyu. You never will.”

Wonwoo searches Soonyoung’s eyes for any of the hesitation he had when introducing him to Seokmin but it's not there. He’s so sure of himself, so certain that Wonwoo will never be what Mingyu was for him, that all the strength in Wonwoo’s body leaves him.

It’s devastating. It’s devastating despite the fact that they’re not in love. It’s devastating because he likes Soonyoung. He doesn’t love him yet, but he _likes_ him. Not a lot, but _enough_ to be content with being married to the man.

It takes every strength in his body to speak but Wonwoo doesn’t let his voice waver when he does. “Good,” he mumbles. Letting the air ruffle his hair into his eyes so he has an excuse to push them away. “I shouldn’t.”

“You probably hate me for it though. Right?”

Wonwoo shakes his head at that and stands up from the swing. He walks toward his husband with a small smile and offers him his hand, pulling him up and Soonyoung takes it without much thought.

“Should I?”

“You should.”

Wonwoo mulls over his words as they start walking back. A silence settles between them that is far from comfortable but sure is inviting. Soonyoung is once again the one who breaks it as they enter the elevator.

“Have you had dinner?” he says, licking his lips in, what Wonwoo has learnt, is anxiety.

“Not yet.”

“Good. I’ll make some pasta for us then.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Urgh. Just. It WILL get better!
> 
> (reminder that the author is a compulsive liar)

Seokmin tries to swallow the pain as he continues yelling his dialogues on stage, but his throat literally feels like it’s tearing apart. It’s not something he should be ignoring exactly, being a musical actor, but his scene is a very important one and he can’t risk messing it up. He’s playing an army general in this play and it’s one of his more challenging acts to date. Lord knows his throat has been weeping since the day he took up the role and Myungho is no stranger to this.

Sitting in the audience, Seokmin can see concern crease awful lines in the man’s forehead. Myungho is a hair's-width close to simply jumping onstage and pulling Seokmin out of the auditorium and back to their shared apartment. He can see Seokmin coughing silently every time he finishes his piece and can see the distress in the way his boyfriend clutches his robes while yelling out orders to the imperial army.

However, as much as he wants to strangle the person who even created a character like the general, he knows how much this role means to Seokmin. So, he chooses to frown the entire play and quietly stews in his worries as his boyfriend continues yelling at the audience for the next two hours.

* * *

“I don’t want you talking to me,” Myungho says as soon as he joins Seokmin in his backstage green room. His boyfriend had been poised to ask the man about his performance, but the sour look on Myungho’s face is enough to shut Seokmin up. When Seokmin starts pouting, Myungho rolls his eyes and drags himself next to his lover on the couch. “I just want you to rest your voice. I’m not mad at you.”

Seokmin smiles at the concern leaking in his boyfriend’s voice and leans his head on the man’s shoulder as he whispers to him instead, “I just wanted to know how you liked my performance.” His voice is hoarse like he’d been yelling for hours. Then again, he _has_ been yelling for more than two hours tonight and for a good eight hours every day for the past two weeks in preparation for this role.

“You were amazing, Dokyeomie,” Myungho mumbles into the man’s hair. Humming happily as the smell of the strawberry shampoo lingers in his hair. “I just wish you could get a break from all that screaming though,” when a guilty look covers Seokmin’s visage the man takes a gentler tone, “I can see how much pain you’re in and it pains me to see it. I don’t want to keep seeing you struggle to get a dialogue out. Not when I know you aren’t able to enjoy the one thing you do enjoy.”

Seokmin gazes up at the man whose embrace he’s securely locked into. At the brown eyes staring back at him with so much agitation and he feels a sense of safety in the arms of his lover. And it strikes him all the more strongly how much he wants this in his life. How much he wants Myungho in his life. And against his better judgement he mumbles a pitiful request to the man he loves ever so deeply.

“Please marry me, Myungho. Please.”

Myungho’s arms go stiff around him and his gaze turns foreign as he sits rigid in their now awkward cuddle. After several seconds of continuous tension between the two, the elder huffs a sigh and pushes his head back on the couch. Staring at the ceiling because it’s so much easier to stare into the LED tube lights than to look into Seokmin’s piercing gaze.

“I can’t…” he swallows, continuing to stare at the bright light to avoid his lover’s broken expression. “You _know_ I can’t.”

Seokmin bites his lips and looks away, choosing to close his eyes and rest his head on Myungho’s chest. Listening to the stuttering heartbeat of his lover, he almost whines, “but I want this, Myungho. I really, really want this.”

“What difference does it make?” Myungho whimpers. His resolve is already breaking. An angry vibe, taking hold of his senses. “It won’t change literally anything but our marital status.”

“I can’t invite you to family only events because we’re not family,” Seokmin mumbles into his chest. Voice hopeless and eyes still closed. Though, the wetness Myungho feels on his shirt is proof enough that Seokmin is crying. “My parents have to keep calling you _‘Seokmin’s boyfriend_ ’ at family gatherings and it’s been going on for seven years and people look at them and me with pity and nothing else.” His lips tremble as Myungho tries to cut in but he holds the man’s shirt tight as if telling him to not interrupt. 

“We can’t file our taxes together and we can never adopt a child together,” he insists, looking up at Myungho again. His eyes red from the unshed tears that fall swiftly now that he sees the despair in his boyfriend’s eyes. “We can’t buy a house together. Can’t even rent as a pair and we have to share the rent. If we want to take legal action on each other’s behalf, we can’t even do that because we’re not legally together or related in any way. If I am on the operation table dying, you don’t get to choose what happens to me because you have no right to make any decisions for me.”

“Dokyeom, I—"

“I know. I know we can do all that without having to get married. I know that's just legal bullshit that we could have done with a few signatures. I know!” Seokmin cuts Myungho off as he begins speaking. Moving out of their embrace, he shoves his boyfriend away, stalking to the bathroom with a change of clothes. “But is it too much to want something so small from a man who claims to love me so much that he doesn’t want to risk me dying?”

Myungho sighs deeply and moves to stop the man from angrily shoving the door close behind him as he tries to get a word through to him, “Seokmin, why can’t you—”

“I don’t know what you’re more scared of right now, Minghao-ssi,” Seokmin bites out. Eyes bloodshot and unrelenting. “Losing me? Or losing a potential soulmate for life if those words on your wrist light up if I die.”

With that Seokmin jerks his arm out of Myungho’s grasp and slams the bathroom door behind him, leaving Myungho to stare at the closed door as he recalls their argument again.

And again. And again, for a long time.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaang~~~ JiHan boyfriends! CUUUUUTE! All my uwus have been spent on making JiHan gay (both sexually as well as an adjective) this is short but just SO cute! I love JiHan!

Jeonghan snickers deviously as he continues editing his recent blog video. Making soft appreciative noises everytime a new idea pops in his head. Jisoo watches his boyfriend talking to himself, a little too happily, from the couch and he can almost feel himself fall in love with the man all over again.

He leans on the couch arm and peeks at the monitor screen to find himself on screen with titles introducing him as Jeonghan’s boyfriend.

“Isn’t that too flashy?” He asks from where he’s seated, propping his head on the couch arm. “I get that this is potentially your last video on this channel but do you have to make it so… weird?”

“What’s weird about it?” Jeonghan stares at him affronted, arms folded in front of his chest. And Jisoo doesn’t have the heart (or the guts) to point out that nothing with Jeonghan is ever _not_ weird.

“Nothing. Nothing.”

Jeonghan rolls his eyes and continues editing, speak more to himself than to Jisoo. “My viewers like my flashy editing. And since I don’t care if my channel gets pulled down this time, I plan on putting I’ll all the special effects, all the dramatics and all the pop music I can and monetising this bitch! Who cares about capitalism?”

“That doesn’t even make sense. Also, you could easily avoid getting blocked if you give credits in your videos.”

His boyfriend gives him an _‘are-you-actually-that-dumb?’_ look and explains, “Jisoo, my darling. That’s not how YouTube works. They don’t just allow copyright infringement just cuz you gave them credits in your videos.”

“Then don’t monetise the video.” 

Another _‘_ _are-you-sure-you-weren’t-dropped-at-birth’_ look later Jeonghan rolls his eyes and simply leans down to kiss Jisoo square on the lips. Tongue and all. 

And like a wildfire in the forest, the current that passes through his body makes him hot and bothered and it’s just not fair! 

Because Yoon Jeonghan simply smiles and continues back to his editing leaving Jisoo reeling with the feeling of free falling.

Because Yoon Jeonghan, his boyfriend, has _that_ much effect on him and he’s probably fully aware of just how whipped Jisoo is for him.

* * *

“Yeah~ it’s my last video on that channel, Soonyoungie,” Jeonghan whines into his cellphone and Jisoo feels all soft and mushy inside his stomach because his boyfriend is easy to get along with and his brother clearly likes him a lot. And though he doesn’t need Soonyoung’s permission to date the man, it’s always nice to know that his brother approves of his choice.

“Oh! Yes~ watch it with the volume on! I put a lot of sound effects and shizz in it!” Jeonghan exclaims and shares a mischievous look with Jisoo before saying, “watch it with Wonwoo. I’m sure he’ll like it too.”

And just like that Jeonghan has made his way into Jisoo’s heart forever (not like he wasn’t there already). Because when Jeonghan mentions Wonwoo, Jisoo knows it’s because he cares for his brother almost as much as Jisoo does. Because he wants Soonyoung and Wonwoo to be happy and to be in love just as much as Jisoo does.

Because Jeonghan is smiling at him all innocently and Jisoo presses a kiss to his lips and it feels like heaven. Because he doesn’t care that Soonyoung can probably hear them moan into the kiss—he’s too in love to be bothered.

Because Yoon Jeonghan, his boyfriend, is the only one who makes him feel this way.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case my readers have forgotten: this is a murder mystery too. (Because I can’t stick to one genre and I enjoy being weird and creepy as a author).

The blade pierced the corners of the girl’s lips as the murderer leans over her body maniacally. An almost demonic smile on his lips, as he relishes the cries of the girl as he continues to slice her mouth open. 

Watching the girl struggle underneath him like a fish out of water, a foreign pleasure fills his lungs. The kind of pleasure you get when you burst a balloon or cut a perfectly round lava cake only to let the chocolate pour out. Or when you squeeze a baby too hard on purpose and it starts crying. 

The chaotic kind of pleasure.

The girl’s cries carry all around the night but are drowned out by the noise of the carnival that is held every day at the pier they’re hiding under. He continues trying to perfect the joker look on the tied up, whimpering girl (who has almost fainted due to the pain. Almost.) as he thinks back to how difficult it was to get her here.

He’d been watching her come into his bakery almost every other day for the past five weeks. She would order an Americano with a slice of matcha cake and would sit in their bakery for an hour doing some work on her tablet before leaving. It had taken him some time to convince her to go on a date with him. Three weeks. A long time by his standards but he’d eventually gotten the date he’d wanted.

In reality, she would’ve made him a great partner. But she had an awful habit of biting her lips. Tearing at the skin with the most cannibalistic pleasure. Playing with the torn pieces before leaving them on the table. She would always walk out the store, leaving her dirty, bloody peels on the table for Hayat to clean.

And he couldn’t have people like her roaming the streets, _now could he?_

“Let’s see you biting your pretty little lips now, huh, sweetness?” He sneers at the girl, who’s snivelling awfully, begging him to let her go. Trying to speak but unable to due to the excruciating pain from her now cut cheeks.

_A perfect punishment for the bitch who enjoyed skinning her lips on a daily basis._

_How dumb could you be to agree to go under the bridge with me while a serial killer is out on the loose?_ He wonders to himself as he abruptly juts the knife into the girl’s ribs. She tries to scream out in pain but he blocks off her cries with his palm on her lips. Shushing her as he continues to mercilessly twist the dagger watching her writhe in pain.

Her blood makes the task of keeping her quiet hard as the sticky, warm liquid makes the hold on her face slack, so the murderer shoves her to the ground. Pushing her face into the muddy grit, he quickly decides that twisting the blade in her ribs isn’t a fast (and painful) enough death and he starts stabbing her repeatedly. Laughing as he watches the light of her eyes slowly dim away. Relishing in the way her blood splurged over his face and clothes. 

He slowly steps away from her as her movements eventually cease and his eyes are searching for a souvenir. A _Memento_ for him to steal away. As he’s scanning the girl’s dead body her handkerchief catches his eyes. 

A pristine white handkerchief with pink borders and a tiny _‘K.H.’_ embroidered in the corner. 

_It’s the perfect memento_ , he decides as he caresses the one spot of blood near the initials of the girl’s name. 

The murderer doesn’t spare another look at the girl as he takes off his clothes and stuffs them away in his backpack, putting on new ones he’d brought just for the occasion. He washes the dagger he’d used, smiling at the blood that seems to cling to the blade, and walks away from the scene when his job is done.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> before anyone complains about the story being too SoonWoo heavy I'd just like to point out that this is a SoonWoo fanfic and the other two OTPs are side pairings~

Before anyone gets the wrong idea, Soonyoung needs everyone to know that he loves and respects his parents and they are literally his only source of happiness in this otherwise hell of a planet. And with that said, Soonyoung also wants everyone to understand that spending even an hour in their presence is torture and he is ready to fuck a bitch and then burn and eat it too, if it means he can escape their puppy eyes and pouty faces.

“Come on, Soonyoungie. We’re not asking much,” his father whines like a mere two year old asking for ice cream. “It’s not like we’re asking for your kidney or anything.”

Wonwoo, beside him, clears his throat uncomfortably, pushing his glasses up his nose as he avoids the coupled pleading looks his parents-in-law shoot them. Soonyoung grits his teeth and rolls his eyes trying not to yell as he says, “no. Of course not. You’re just using the same old ‘we’re old now and we want to play with our grandkids before we die’ card on me that only manipulative Asian parents use!”

His mother, who is scarily calm despite Soonyoung’s outburst, turns to Wonwoo then and holds his hand, patting it as she speaks, “Wonwoo, dear. You tell me. As Soonyoung’s parents, don’t we have at least some rights to even _suggest_ that you two look up adoption centres?”

The man, tongue tied, looks towards Soonyoung for help but finds his husband being practically choked by his father to stay quiet. Flailing around but unable to get out of his father’s python hold. Wonwoo bites his lips and laughs awkwardly, ruffling his hair—mentally begging Soonyoung’s parents to give him a break. But his mother-in-law is eyeing him so sweetly that she resembles that witch from Hansel and Gretel and he has no choice but to say, “no no! You absolutely do, M— Mom.” 

Soonyoung’s father lets go off Soonyoung at Wonwoo’s words and ignores his son’s erratic coughing in lieu of patting Wonwoo’s back appreciatively. “That’s my boy!” He turns to the still coughing Soonyoung and smacks his back exclaiming, “see this, Soonyoung! Your husband is so much more politer than you! Learn some respect, from him, will you?!”

Wonwoo smiles awkwardly at the pair as they start discussing how old their grandchild should be and whether it should be a girl or boy and other such details that Wonwoo doesn’t have the heart to listen to. He turns away from the pair, who are so absorbed in their conversation that they don’t even see the sour looks their son and his husband share when their eyes meet.

There’s resentment and anger and so many more emotions that Wonwoo can’t recognise floating through Soonyoung’s eyes that he’s terrified of just how much his husband is trying to appear alright. His eyes betray him as he watches Soonyoung’s nails in a fist, angrily digging into his palms. 

And he pretends that his heart doesn’t break when he sees the charred word, _Wonwoo_ , on Soonyoung’s wrist mocking him.

*

A cold, almost demonic silence reigns the car that neither Wonwoo nor Soonyoung try to fill. Wonwoo, who had chosen to drive, continues staring straight ahead at the road, trying to avoid Soonyoung’s eyes. And he feels almost safe once they start driving back home, but then Soonyoung starts speaking and he’s scared again.

“Why did you tell Mom we’d go?”

Wonwoo stiffens at the voice, because Soonyoung sounds angry. Really angry. He sounds ready to kill and Wonwoo isn’t sure he’s ready to die. “I couldn’t refuse her either,” Wonwoo mumbles. He’s aware that it’s taking everything in Soonyoung’s being to control his anger so he doesn’t dare elaborate. 

Soonyoung growls in anger and moves his hand up to ruffle his hair and that’s when Wonwoo flinches. It’s a jerk reaction, Soonyoung knows, when Wonwoo ducks away from him, making the car swerve a little before stabilizing it again. But it’s enough to make Soonyoung stop.

He turns to the man beside him and slowly moves his hands down, gulping as he watches Wonwoo’s forehead lined with worry and perspiration. He sees how Wonwoo doesn’t dare to look at him and Soonyoung thinks back to the scar near his husband’s shoulder joint.

Soonyoung doesn’t speak after that and after a while, Wonwoo seems to calm down as well. His death grip on steering loosens as they near home.

By the time they’re inside the apartment neither of the two has spoken a word to the other and Soonyoung is worried.

Because during the entire elevator ride, Wonwoo had stayed in the corner near the door. Facing away from Soonyoung as if preparing himself for the inevitable. As if wishing for the doors to swallow him up. And it would be a lie if he said he couldn’t fathom what that inevitable was.

Mingyu had told him all about Wonwoo and his ex-husband.

His eyes follow the younger man as he makes a beeline to the bathroom and Soonyoung waits for a few minutes before shaking his head and pressing his ear to the door. He’s not even sure why he did it but he’s glad he did because he can hear faint, muffled sobs from the other side of the door.

Adrenaline rushes into his cranium when he hears Wonwoo sobbing and he makes to knock the door but decides against it. He’s seen Mingyu take care of Wonwoo many times in the past to know that that would only aggravate Wonwoo’s panic attack.

Instead, Soonyoung crouches down on his knees and speaks confidently and calmly. “Wonwoo? It’s alright. I’m not mad at you.”   


When Wonwoo’s sobbing doesn’t stop he continues speaking in the same calming tone he’s seen Mingyu use with the man several times. For once Soonyoung doesn’t wince in pain at his lover’s memory. “It’s alright, Wonwoo. It’s okay. You’re okay. I’m not angry with you.” He continues reassuring the man on the other side until Wonwoo stops crying.

Wonwoo doesn’t open the door however, and Soonyoung doesn’t ask him to either. Instead, he continues speaking sweet nothings to the man knowing well that his husband is listening. And when Wonwoo finally opens the door at two in the morning, he finds Soonyoung still sitting outside the bathroom, leaning carelessly on the door so that he falls in when his husband steps out.

And despite all the questions Wonwoo had prepared himself to answer, Soonyoung doesn’t ask him anything. In fact, the man doesn’t even ask him if he’s alright. Instead, Soonyoung stands up and looks at Wonwoo and says, “nod if it’s okay to come closer.”

And when Wonwoo nods, Soonyoung is all in his space. He’s close enough that Wonwoo can see the sleep clouding his eyes. So close that Wonwoo can see exactly where Soonyoung’s teeth have dented his lips (clear signs of worry). But he’s not blocking any exits and Wonwoo doesn’t feel threatened. In fact, the softness in Soonyoung’s eyes make him feel safe. Protected.

“Nod if it’s okay to touch you.”

Wonwoo thinks about it. He watches Soonyoung for any signs of foul play. Looks for any beer bottles or knives or blades in the man’s hand. And he waits for Soonyoung to ask him again but all his husband does is patiently wait for his reply. So, he nods his head and before he’s even aware of what’s happening, Soonyoung’s fingers are wiping away the tears still rolling down his face.

He’s holding his face gently, as if Wonwoo could burn at the touch and Soonyoung is looking at him as if Wonwoo is the only one that matters in that moment. 

“Wonwoo,” Soonyoung speaks. Softly. Gently. As if confessing his love for Wonwoo. “I want you to listen to me and please understand what I tell you.”

He nods, biting his lips as he waits for Soonyoung to yell at him. Or tell him off. Or break his heart by repeating how Wonwoo can never replace his dead lover. 

Soonyoung eyes his lips and gently pushes his thumbs against the lower lip, making Wonwoo let go of it. Pressing it gently to soothe the dents his teeth have made.

“I won’t hurt you,” he says and just like that Wonwoo believes him. It’s crazy; it’s utterly irrational the way Soonyoung just says something and Wonwoo takes it as law but he does. “I won’t do that. And I won't let anybody else harm you either so don’t think you’re in trouble. You’re safe with me.”

Robotically, Wonwoo nods his head because what else could he do or say. And Soonyoung pats his cheek, as if making sure Wonwoo is real and mutters, “I’ll always... always be here for you.” Resting his forehead against Wonwon in the most innocent forehead kiss Wonwoo has ever experienced.

And in that second—in that split of a jiffy, Wonwoo falls in love.

Because Soonyoung has brown eyes, like his ex-husband, but they're warmer, gentler. Kinder. And they shine with protectiveness and Wonwoo doesn’t think he’ll ever feel safer in anyone else’s embrace. Because Soonyoung has a gentle smile that calms him down and a firm hold on him that he’s aching to bridge with a kiss.

Because Soonyoung is the only man who’s ever told him he’s safe and that’s more than Wonwoo can ask for. So, Wonwoo nods his head and allows Soonyoung to card his fingers through the hairs on the nape of his neck. And they stay that way for quite a while. Just standing in the middle of their bedroom corridor. Taking in each other’s warmth.

And for a second, just for a tiny while, Mingyu’s face fades away, but Soonyoung doesn’t mind.


End file.
